Waiting on something that will never come.

I seem to be having these moments more and more lately where I feel lonely. My usual complaints are I have no family nearby, not that I even talk to any of them and I don't have my friends either. I'm a little socially awkward and not too good at intimacy either. But I crave some company. The friends that I do have I feel like I'm imposing when I want to hang out with them or talk. I mean they have their lives and partners. I feel like my petty little things are just something they don't need weighing on their minds or getting in the way. It would be nice to have someone to hang out with, talk about similar interests or curling up in bed with.

Ideas are not reality.

But that aside, I'm around 200 pages from finishing War & Peace and noticed something in Tolstoy's depiction of these charming, high society women. Anna Karenina, Helene Bezukhov are very similar. They were conisdering charming and beautiful and integral parts of Russian Society. Yet they weren't satisfied with being married and desired and having trysts with young men. They wanted more and immediately. They wanted a divorce from their respective husbands to be with their younger lovers. I can't remember if Karenina got a divorce, but she went of to live with Vronsky in the South of France regardless. But to spoil the ending, She committed suicide to end the sufferings her wandering eyes had created. Not just within herself, she was missing her son grow up and those imposed upon her husband. The heartache of separation and the negative way society viewed him because of the predicament with his wife and considering divorce was highly frowned upon and almost a sin.
Yet Bezukhov had no children with Pierre. She had many more dalliances and merely weeks before her own ending, she was trying to decide between two men. To her the idea of waiting to hear from Pierre (estranged would be the better word for their relationship) in regards to a divorce was all to painful for her.
When you read both these books, you can see that Tolstoy saw these women for who they were, for their selfish ways who got what they deserved from their own hands.

Double negatives frustrate me when they are used correctly.

A little bit of rambling

Life get lonely sometimes. I try to find the light in the dark, but occasionally there is no warmth in the light.


Anyway, Life isn't so bad. I'm building a life I can call my own.

Since I last blogged not much has happened. Just school and work. I started 2 new night classes this week in Mechanical Drive Components and Manufacturing Processes and had an interview with Transfield Services about the possibility of work placement. Also this is my first impoverished/very little food week for the year. All of these bills caught up with me and my food budget went from $50 to $10. It amuses me a little to have only baked beans and two minute noodles for the week. Trying to be creative and make filling food as well, it's a challenge, an amusing one.

hmm ... what else? I ditched school today in favour of sleeping in. It was only an introduction to Electrical Wiring class. It's a  piece of piss and I highly doubt I would have missed much.
Oh my cousin Lisa is pregnant with her first child. That makes me very happy. She is a wonderful person and deserves all the happiness. I've been thinking for christmas, I would send her a little package filled all the things you will need. ie baby paracetamol, nappy rash cream, bath oil, wipes, lanolin cream, nursing pads, and so on.

Does it make you feel better to know we're all just sinners?

I am currently watching The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe on tv, while drinking a white tea with ginger.

 ... then I thought do I have anything interesting to blog about?? Well, no, in all honesty. I have, though, finished applying for a Mechanical engineering degree for next year and I purchased some plants to grow on the kitchen window sill. I post pictures after I've re-potted them and they've grown some more. At least that way I know they'll live. They only cost me $7 from Aldi and the margeriette daisy was wilting a little. Nothing a little tlc can't fix.

.... I hate this part where Alsan offers his blood instead of Edmund's. He goes to meet the "Queen of Narnia" at the Stone Table and her followers beat and shave Alsan before she stabs him. And I know he's an animated lion, but the look on his face breaks my heart.

... If you haven't already worked it out the Chronicles of Narnia are very near and dear to me. I read and re-read them when I was 8. I read them again recently with nostalgia and remembered very vividly why I love them so. I even named my cat after the fawn Lucy meets, Tumnus. Any way ....

Au revoir, mon cher!